i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
