That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
