i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you traded sex for a burrito?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
