Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
