I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
