tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
