Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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