I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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