i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
