So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
