maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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