After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
