I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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