Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
