I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
