We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
