I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
