Princesses don't give blow jobs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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