you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
