Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
