Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
