So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
