That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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