i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
