Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
