K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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