You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
