i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
