Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
