omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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