Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
