i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
