yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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