She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
