im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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