Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
