I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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