either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
