Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
