i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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