We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
