You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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