I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
