Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
