After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
