I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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