i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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