The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
