My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
