if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
