so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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